In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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