Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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