You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize