Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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