yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your cock deserves a montage
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
