he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
