Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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