Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also, beer. Big fan.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
