hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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