Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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