I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize