Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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