He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
