I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
