if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
