ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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