So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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