Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
