I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
