Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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