I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How does it feel to date your dad?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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