I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
