went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
