So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
