then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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