they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
