let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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