margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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