why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
