Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
