words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
