I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
