My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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