go do what you do best...puke behind churches
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just tell him i said nine months
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
