Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
