Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
