I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
