So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
