Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
