Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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