I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
