New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
