We're like a lot better than the average bears
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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