My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
