I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
