Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
