just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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