he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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