btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
