He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
