I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
