just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
