I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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