i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
