apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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