I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He literally asked permission to hit on me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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