But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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