My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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