I am puke
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
