The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
