So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
