zippers are such a cool invention
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
