i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize