she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize