what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
