i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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