Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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