The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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