i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
