Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
