hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
