She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
