the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
