If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
