why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
