nut hugger
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So squirting runs in the family.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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