You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
