well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
