remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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