I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
