My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
