is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
