pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
