yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
only you would photoshop your dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
