wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
