obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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