quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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