Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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