Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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