Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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