i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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