Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
