Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
