This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
