Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
