do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
