Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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