somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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