There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
