So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
