So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
