I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
