I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
